Top Ten Archive: May 1999 - July 2007
The Lev Forum: The Humor Mill: Top Ten Lists: Top Ten Archive: May 1999 - July 2007
By Bryan (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date:

Top Ten Star Wars Fan Euphemisms For
Not Having A Girlfriend


10. Camping alone outside the theater.

9. My force is no longer with me.

8. The Death Star is not yet operational.

7. The Empire's striking out.

6. Shaking hands with the wookie.

5. Darth Vader has no place to put his helmet.

4. Oiling the droid.

3. Unable to set coordinates for the planet Babe.

2. Spending the night with Han Solo.

1. Tractor beam not powerful enough.

By Tony (Sol) on Unrecorded Date:

Does that make SW guys geeks? I thought SW guys were like the top of the list as far as sci fi geeks go, even being non-geeks kinda!

By The One Known Only as (Greyfox) on Unrecorded Date:

You're treading on thin ice there, GEEK! J

By Tony (Sol) on Unrecorded Date:

touche'

By Bryan (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date:

Top Ten Good Things About Being Bill
Gates' Baby

10. Dad hires another baby to teethe for you.

9. If daddy doesn't give you the toy you want,
you can rat him out to Janet Reno.

8. You look at baby on Pampers package and think, "I can buy and sell you."

7. You can spit up on Al Gore when he claims he invented you.

6. You're two days old and already you can beat dad at arm wrestling.

5. When you crash Microsoft technicians are right
there to reboot you.

4. Instead of Raffi CD playing in nursery -- Raffi
playing in nursery.

3. The "goofy hair" gene skips a generation.

2. Cry all you want in movie theater -- if people
complain, dad buys the dump and kicks everybody out.

1. Easy laughs by calling yourself "Bill Version 2.0"


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More !
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Your father probably gave you one of them fancy
robot brains.

When you bring in the Mona Lisa for show 'n' tell,
that kid with the turtle is gonna look pretty dumb.

You know how they say money can't buy
happiness? Trust me, your dad has enough.

While other kids get a ball to play with, your dad
buys you the Seattle Mariners.

Fun to watch dad storm out in a huff when you
say your first word: "Macintosh"

Your built-in "plug and play" capability.

Get to spend quality while he's watching "Star
Wars" for the thirtieth time.

You can benefit from low expectations in the
cuteness department.

By Bryan (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date:

Top Ten Things People Hate More Than Jar Jar Binks

10. Bleeding profusely from the ears, nose and eyes

9. The thought of a Quayle presidency

8. People who ask, "Workin' hard or hardly workin'?"

7. His wife, Hillary Rodham Binks

6. Finding out Amy Fisher is your new neighbor

5. Having a perfectly good day and then suddenly for no reason thinking of Andy Rooney

4. The Belgians

3. The Secret Word Contest

2. Anyone besides Austin Powers who uses phrase, "Yeah, baby!"

1. Spending eight bucks to watch him.

By Tony (Sol) on Unrecorded Date:

Recently, the D&C ran an article called:

"Jar jar - Lightning Rod for Critisism"

didn't read it tho... did anyone else read it?

By Bryan (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date:

Top Ten Things Dumb Guys Think 'Pokemon' Is

10. That lady that broke up The Beatles

9. That Buddhist dude who was just in Central Park

8. How Jamaican people say "Poke"

7. That giant turtle in those Godzilla movies

6. The stuff Mark McGwire took to grow 90-inch biceps

5. Irish for "Kiss My Ass"

4. Jack Lord's sidekick on Hawaii 5-0

3. How they pronounce "Poker" at those Indian casinos

2. The stuff the FBI found on Monica's dress.

1. Ain't that where "beautiful Mt. Airy Lodge" is?

By Bryan (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date:

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER SEX

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.

5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2) Less guilt the morning after.

1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

By The One Known Only as (Greyfox) on Unrecorded Date:

Top 10 Laws From Around the World:


10: In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

9: In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah, justice!)

8: In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

7: Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick?!?!)

6: The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Wonder which head?)

5: Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But, of course!)

4: In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

3: In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

2: There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

1: In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam, though.)

By Yo' Daddy (Sol) on Friday, January 11, 2002 - 01:07 pm:

OK, just for a little something different, here are 10 reasons why you SHOULDN'T post in LEV!starting from the top
1 work
2 more work
3 who cares who logged into lev today anyway?
4 better things to do with my computer at home (like Galactic Battlegrounds)
5 I'm at work
6 When I'm not at work, why use slow connection
7 I think its restricted now.
8 I can wait until my other sources come back with said information, why
duplicate work?
9 You'll tell me soon enough anyway.
10 hmmm...... why use lev when i have trillian with chat enabled.

Guess who the author is! ;) Posted by popular request.

By Technomage (Houdini) on Thursday, November 04, 2004 - 04:27 pm:

Top Ten John Kerry Excuses

10. Voters were in a fever-induced haze because they couldn't get flu shots.

9. Floridians confused by shockingly unconfusing ballots.

8. Maybe it wasn't best idea to begin speeches with "yo mama is so fat" jokes.

7. The endorsement from Osama Bin Laden didn't exactly help him.

6. "Dude--it's the Curse of the Bambino."

5. Should've campaigned more in New Mexico, less in regular Mexico.

4. Turns out voters think it's hot that Cheney has a lesbian daughter.

3. Thought America was ready for a lunatic first lady.

2. Voters seem to really like a weak economy and a badly-run war.

1. Was distracted by late night erotic phone calls from Bill O'Reilly.

By Technomage (Houdini) on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 11:39 am:

http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html