This sub-topic is for posting all of your favorite
geek humor. Science humor, math humor, and computer humor goes here. :)

By Bryan R. Cummings (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date:

A Guide to Software Revisions

Once you start playing with software you quickly become aware that each software package has a revision code attached to it. It is obvious that
this revision code gives the sequence of changes to the product, but in reality there's substantially more information available through the rev-code than that. This article provides a guide for interpreting the meaning of the revision codes and what they actually signify.

1.0:
Also known as "one point uh-oh", or "barely out of beta". We had to release because the lab guys had reached a point of exhaustion and the marketing guys were in a cold sweat of terror. We're praying that you'll find it more functional than, say, a computer virus and that its operation has some resemblance to that specified in the marketing copy.

1.1:
We fixed all the killer bugs ...

1.2:
Uh, we introduced a few new bugs fixing the killer bugs and so we had to fix them, too.

2.0:
We did the product we really wanted to do to begin with. Mind you, it's really not what the customer needs yet, but we're working on it.

2.1:
Well, not surprisingly, we broke some things in making major changes so we had to fix them. But we did a really good job of testing this time, so we don't think we introduced any new bugs while we were fixing these bugs.

2.2:
Uh, sorry, one slipped through. One lousy typo error and you won't believe how much trouble it caused!

2.3:
Some jerk found a deep-seated bug that's been there since 1.0 and wouldn't stop nagging until we fixed it!!

3.0:
Hey, we finally think we've got it right! Most of the customers are really happy with this.

3.1:
Of course, we did break a few little things.

4.0:
More features. It's doubled in size now, by the way, and you'll need to get more memory and a faster processor ...

4.1:
Just one or two bugs this time... Honest!

5.0:
We really need to go on to a new product, but we have an installed base out there to protect. We're cutting the staffing after this.

6.0:
We had to fix a few things we broke in 5.0. Not very many, but it's been so long since we looked at this thing we might as well call it a major upgrade. Oh, yeah, we added a few flashy cosmetic features so we could justify the major upgrade number.

6.1:
Since I'm leaving the company and I'm the last guy left in the lab who works on the product, I wanted to make sure that all the changes I've made are incorporated before I go. I added some cute demos, too, since I was getting pretty bored back here in my dark little corner (I kept complaining about the lighting but they wouldn't do anything). They're talking about obsolescence planning but they'll try to keep selling it for as long as there's a buck or two to be made. I'm leaving the bits in as good a shape as I can in case somebody has to tweak them, but it'll be sheer luck if no one loses them.

By Bryan R. Cummings (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date:

I found this on a math humor website enjoy. :)

1. What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?
Tangent

2. What do you say when you see an empty parrot cage?
Polygon

3. What do you call a crushed angle?
A Rectangle

4. What did the Italian say when when the witch doctor removed the curse?
Hexagon

5. What did the little acorn say when he grew up?
Geometry

6. What do you call an angle which is adorable?
acute angle

7. What do you use to tie up a package?
A Chord

8. What do you call a fierce beast?
A Line

9. What do you call more than one L?
A Parallel

10. What do you call people who are in favor of tractors?
Protractors

11. What should you do when it rains?
Coincide

By Tony (Sol) on Unrecorded Date:

How many Borg does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Lightbulbs are Irrelevant. Resistance is Futile. You will surrender. Your Biological and Technological Distinctiveness will be added to our own.

By Jeff Montgomery (Jeff) on Unrecorded Date:

speaking of borg...

How many borg does it take to add 1+1?

All of them! They are, of course, of one mind...

By Bryan (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date:

If Operating Systems Were Airlines...

By The One Known Only as (Greyfox) on Unrecorded Date:

A man who actually works as a technical assistance help-line guy actually went through the following conversation, or one extremely similar to it...

User: My computer isn't working.

Tech: OK. Are there any messages on the screen?

User: No.

Tech: Is the power button switched on?

User: Yes!

Tech: Is your monitor plugged into your computer?

User: Lemme check... >pause< Yes.

Tech: Is your monitor power cord plugged in snugly?

User: Lemme check again... >pause< Yes.

Tech: OK. Are you using a surge suppressor or power strip?

User: I'll check, but it'll be hard to see.

Tech: Why is that?

User: Because it's dark in here.

Tech: Can you turn on a light nearby to help you see?

User: No.

Tech: Why not?

User: Because the power's out at my house.

>pause<

Tech: Sir, do you still have the packaging your machine came in?

User: Yes. I got it two days ago. Why?

Tech: I want you to disconnect everything and pack up your computer. Gather all of your receipts and go back to the store you bought it from. Find the salesman who sold it to you, and tell him this. Do you have a pen and paper? I want you to write it down.

User: Yea, hang on... >pause< OK. Go ahead.

Tech: Write this... "Please take back this computer which you sold me the other day. I was wrong to buy it, since I am not intelligent enough to know how to use it, nor understand the basic concept of how electricity works."

The technician was summarily fired. He says it was worth it.

By Tony (Sol) on Unrecorded Date:

DIES LAUGHING

By Bryan (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date:

:)

By Jeff Montgomery (Jeff) on Unrecorded Date:

That's nothing compared to one I know...

A woman called the store where she bought her computer and said her mouse wasn't working.

The technician asked if the mouse was plugged in.

"yes."

"Is it plugged in the right slot? There's a picture of a mouse above it."

"yes."

"Okay; what exactly happens?"

"Well; I move it on the screen to where I want to push the button, click it, and nothing happens."

"Try it now."

"Ok."



"It didn't work."

"Ma'am, could you try it again?"



"Ma'am, could you do it one more time, but this time with the phone next to the mouse?"



"Ma'am, are you HITTING your screen with the mouse?"

By Tony (Sol) on Unrecorded Date:

Is that real?

(Can we ever really know for that matter?)

Here's a Freudian slip... female student trying to teach her male prof how to use a lab computer...

"All you have to do is put the dik in the little hole."

(Of course she meant "disk" - or did she?)

By Jen Delgrosso (Jn) on Unrecorded Date:

When Tom was working at a local college he had his share of stupid students.. I went to work with him one day. I was sitting in the lab, and he was going around helping people. This girl raises her hand for help saving her document. (which he ONLY told her how to do 20 times)..

"ok, now save it to your project disk"

"which one is that?"

"I don't know, which one of these disks to you save your projects on"

"I don't know"

"well, is it this one? it says (name of class) on it"

"Yeah, ok."

"ok, so save it to that one"

"does it have to be in the machine?"

"yess..."

a little later, in an unrelated incident with the same girl, she's again having problems saving to her disk. Tom goes over to investigate, and finds that she actually inserted her disk in the drive *with the plastic sheath* still on it!

Is it nice to make fun of these people? :)

-jen

By Tony (Sol) on Unrecorded Date:

These things make me cry. I believe, however, that a similar instance might have happened centuries ago in the Caveman Fire Lab.


"Ugga ugga me no can start fire."

"You have firewood?"

"Me need wood?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Me need to have wood with me?"

By Rigel Nephridil (Nat) on Unrecorded Date:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!