| By Bryan R. Cummings (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date: |
Top Ten Lists go here.
| By Bryan R. Cummings (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date: |
Top Ten New Slogans For The NBA
10. "With Michael Jordan gone, maybe your team will have a chance to win"
9. "You never know who Dennis Rodman is going to marry next"
8. "We've added a third basket for more scoring"
7."We all just lost a lot of money, so please tip your point guard"
6. "What else are you gonna watch -- hockey?"
5. "A lot like the WNBA, but with men"
4. "Please watch our games so we don't have to get real jobs"
3. "Who knows, maybe one of our players will become Governor of Minnesota"
2. "Some arenas are now selling nachos for under $20"
1. "More millionaires in shorts than at a Microsoft company picnic!"
| By Aileen Pagan-Welch (Ewokie) on Unrecorded Date: |
Top Ten Hit Movies In Iraq
10. "You've Got Veil"
9. "There's Sanctions Against Mary"
8. "Honey, I Martyred the Kids"
7. "I Still Know What You Did Last Ramadan"
6. "How Saddam Hussein Got His Chemical
Weapons Back"
5. "Kurdz"
4. "Arranged Bride of Chucky"
3. "Patch Saddams"
2. "Turban Cowboy"
1. "The Waterboy"
| By Tony (Sol) on Unrecorded Date: |
TOP TEN LEVs
Aimie (Aimie Barrett)
Buffy (Brenna)
Criste
Ewokie (Aileen Pagan-Welch)
Greyfox (The One Known Only as)
Jeff (Jeff Montgomery)
Mike (Mike Martin)
Smokeduster (No one here is exactly what he appears)
Tas (Tasslehoff Burrfoot)
Twink (TWINK!)
PS - OK, so all I did was cut and paste the User List ;)
PPS - sorry Zummi, since you start w/ Z ya didn't make the list :(
| By Bryan R. Cummings (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date: |
| By Jeff Montgomery (Jeff) on Unrecorded Date: |
Top ten people you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley:
10: Darth Vader
9: the Wicked Witch of the West
8: The Wicked Witch of the East
7: Medusa -- well; maybe -- if it were REALLY dark, and you couldn't really see her, it'd be OK, cause you can only turn to stone if you see her... but any other time, no.
6: Bill Gates -- you'd end up getting the electric chair because you'd get to be on death row because you were found guilty for killing him because he said "Windows 98 is great!"
5: Lorana Bobbit
4: Freddie
3: the devil
2: a thief
and the number one person you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley:
1: Bill Clinton
(Who knows what would come of that... I just wouldn't want the publicity!)
- Jeff
| By Tony (Sol) on Unrecorded Date: |
WHAT?!?
You have all these really terrible figures, and who is in the number 2 spot? A thief??? So, you're saying that out of the top ten you wouldn't want to meet, some generic mangy thief beats out Medusa and Darth Vader and Bobbit and the Devil? Jeez! I would have put Darth Vader, like, first!
I'll admit, the punchline was funny tho!
| By Aileen Pagan-Welch (Ewokie) on Unrecorded Date: |
This isn't exactly a top "10" list.. but if it makes anyone feel better, divide it by 3, pretend it's 3 "top ten lists" and ignore the fact that there are still 3 left over. :-) Enjoy!
-Ewokie
33 ways to tick people off
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 11x17 paper, 99 copies.
2. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at cars to see if people will slow down.
3. Specify that your drive through order is "to-go" (ive done this)
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others.
5. Sing along at the opera.
6. Insist on keeping your windshield wipers running in all weather to "keep them tuned up"
7. Reply to everything someone says with "Thats what YOU think"
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevent material in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. finish all your sentences with "in accordance with prophesy".
11. Signal that a conversation is over by clapping your hands over your ears.
12. Dissassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room.
13. holler random numbers while someone is counting
14. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green and insist to others that you "like it that way!"
15. staple papers in the middle of the page
16. publicly investigate oh slowly you can make a croaking noise
17. honk and wave to strangers
18. Decline to be seated at a resaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register
19. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE
20. type only in lowercase
21. dont use any punctuation either
22. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets
23. Repaet the following conversation a dozen times: "do you hear that?" "what?" "nevermind Its gone now."
24. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
25. Try playing the William Tell Overture (the Lone Ranger Theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No wait,
I messed up." and repeat it.
26. Ask people what gender they are.
27. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet
28. In the memo field of all your checks write " for sensual massage"
29. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets
30. Go to a poetry recital and ask why every poem doesnt rhyme.
31. Ask your co-workers mysterious answers and then scribble the answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psycological profiles"
32. Tell your friends 4 days prior that you cant make it to their party because you arent in the mood.
33. Do what Ewokie does: post a list of 33 annoying things to do, instead of 10.
| By Tony (Sol) on Unrecorded Date: |
Spiffy Ninja's Alcohol Warnings (buy 10 get 2 free):
14. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker= .
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu Fighting powers.
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. (aka Floorcarpeting)
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Bruno.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
| By Rigel Nephridil (Nat) on Unrecorded Date: |
Confucius say:
Man who put cream in tart no neccessarily baker!
Confucius say:
Womans' charms like spider's web: leads to flies undoing!
Confucius say:
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Confucius say:
Woman who spend too much time on bedspring get offspring.
Confucius say:
Man who have hole in pocket is always on the ball!
Confucis say:
Man who enter airport door sideways is going to bangkok.
Yes, grasshopper- you have learned well!
(tee hee!)
| By Bryan (Houdini) on Unrecorded Date: |
Top Ten Signs The President Is Trying To Kill You
10. He goes on TV to assure the nation that he's not trying to kill you
9.You get a card from Saddam reading "Glad I'm not you"
8.You turn on CNN and see your house in green night-vision
7. You wake up next to the head of Donna Shalala
6. You overhear him arguing with lawyers over legal definition of the word "strangle"
5. Keeps promising to "introduce you to Vince Foster"
4. He asks U.N. to pass resolution authorizing use of force against you
3. Now under construction in Arlington Cemetary:
"The Tomb of The Unknown Guy The President's Going To Kill"
2. "Someone" throws a Big Mac stuffed with a brick through your window
1.Two words: exploding cigars