what point?

By Who is the (Knight_Hawk) on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 08:49 am:

That he has the final post in every topic

By Who is the (Knight_Hawk) on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 03:13 pm:

Ok I am having a crisis of the heart and really need advice. My heart and my head are in a bettle that seems to have me going round in circles.

Theres this girl I would really like to start dating but she has someone she's seeing. Now we are friends but I would like it to be more than that. Part of me says I'm happy just knowing that she is happy, but the other part is saying the opposite.

So i ask myself if I love her or is it just an infatuation and immediatly my heart says yes but my head says no. So I ask myself should I tell her how I feel and again my heart says yes but my head says don't make it wierd.

I'va acctually had a simular conversation with GF about this and he said it was prolly an infatuation. I think this may be why my head says what it does.

Do I love her? I believe I do.
Do I think about her a lot? Yes.

Now what scares me is I try and picture myself with her but all I get is an image and feeling of me spending the rest of my life sad and alone. I need help, I have been really depressed these past few weeks (alhough I refuse to show it in front of my friends and co-workers). It acctually took me some time to decide to post this and ask for help because I really try and keep these thigs to myself but I don't think I can any longer.

I have been debating whether or not to write her a letter letting her know and have worked out what I am to say but I find myself holding back out of fear. Just let me know what you think I should do, I am so nervouse about having put this into words I am on the verge of tears and shaking. I am so close to ust hitting the delete button and forgetting all this but I don't think I will.

Ok my resolve is set I will post this and open myself up like I have never done before, what you see here is me and and represents a look into how I feel on a daily basis. I know I'm gonna catch some flak for this but so be it, I just hope I can face you afterwards.

By Ms. Vice (Nat) on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 12:34 am:

I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear because that's not doing you any favors. The following is some advice that, as a severely depressed person, I have taken myself and am doing better as a result. If it is any comfort, my life is 100,000,000 times worse than most peoples. So if I can manage my depression so can you- but you have to want to do it.

OK sounds like the lack of a lady in your life is making your depression worse, however, you're making this harder on yourself than it needs to be. You don't seem to like yourself much, and you think that having someone love you will fix everything that is wrong inside of you. I think this is why you're fixated on the girl.

Yes you are infatuated with the girl, you do not love her.

A lot of people have idealistic misconceptions about love, which only serve to poison judgement.

Real love is a two way street and it takes two consenting adults to develop together over time. One-sided-love- AKA "Unrequited love"- doesn't qualify as "love" unless you're a masochist and enjoy torturing yourself 24/7. While there are people who would disagree with me, I seriously wonder about their personal happiness. Ask yourself if you wanna set yourself up for disappointment every single time because you want to live a dramatic, far-fetched hollywood love story that just doesn't work in real life. OR would you rather be practical, realistic, and spare yourself the most heartbreak, be more effective in picking potential mates and quit wasting your time?

A sane person would realize chasing the taken girl is an exercise in futility, spend a short amount of time grieving and then move on with his life and hopefully have better luck next time. Wash, rinse, repeat until you catch a live one who really digs ya. Your milage may vary, oh and being depressed, having no self esteem, being unkempt and such will ruin your chances with the ladies. So if you have those problems you need to fix those first before you look for a girlfriend. Having a girlfriend is not going to fix your depression. Fixing your depression is what will get you a girlfriend.

So the rule is:
When in doubt, if she hasn't made a clear physical move then she isn't interested. This rule generally holds true 99% of the time and applies to both men and women.

If you pour your affection out to her in a letter you are going to be rejected. Why? She doesn't have romantic feelings for you. If she did, then YOU would be the guy she is currently seeing.

Yes she is friends with you. Unfortunately there are times guys want to read way too much into that. "I can't tell if the likes me or wants to be friends!". If she hasn't taken any initiative (ex: kissing, asking you out on a date, HEAVY flirting), OR has a boyfriend she doesn't like you in a romantic light- simple as that.

Friendships with the opposite sex can be VERY confusing (sometimes) because platonic friendships can sometimes give the emotional illustion of something romantic, even when nothing physical takes place. NO this does not mean that friendships have the potential for turning into something more. What it means is that it's VERY easy to get emotions mixed up and confuzzled. Single guys and girls can sometimes develop strange crushes and obsessions on close platonic friends for this very reason. So realize this and SNAP OUT OF IT!

Lastly...

If you are truly depressed:

And I mean truly "I want to DIE!!" type depression where you can stare death in the face and GRIN... If that is the kind you have then read on.. You need to choose between life and death. If you don't feel that your mind has made that fundamantal choice, you probably haven't hit rock bottom.

If you want to live:
1) *DEEP INHALE* You need to make this choice, and you need to WANT To live for YOU because damnit, you love yourself! Screw the rest of the world and what other people want, they are not important- you are going to LIVE by your own terms and whatever happens it will be alright because you are doing this for YOU. Its all about you, you, you! And don't you dare say "oh that's such a selfish approach" because you know what? Its OK to be selfish sometimes! Do it for yourself, you do it entirely out of self love. Not your mother, not the chick at the comic shop with the tongue piercing that you wanna boink, not the co-worker who you wish had feelings for you. Do it for you, damn it! Just you. Living your life for ANYONE other than yourself negates everything worth livng for and you will never find happiness.

2) Seek professional counseling. Why? Because the underlying emotional/mental obsticles are HARD and mysterious to identify, and you will need someone to help point you in the right direction towards overcoming depression. This means facing and conquering obscure demons from the past. Not everyone can do this alone, and there is no shame in that. If you cannot afford a good shrink, read self-help books (non-spiritual) and set aside time to reflect on your past. Without someone to help you find out where the roots of your depression stem from, you will have to dig them out yourself. This is not pleasant, and you need to be careful. Sometimes acknowlegement of the cause is enough information to begin the repair process.

3) Anti-depressants. No they are not happy pills. No, they will not change your personality and make you feel fucked up. What they will do is help take the edge off the depression; stupid, trival BS won't bother you as easily and you can actually focus on the important stuff your brain needs to do. All I can say is don't listen to the hype, don't listen to scary horror stories either. Anti-depressants will NOT cure depression, but it is one of the MANY tools that will help you fight it. Use it wisely and it will be one of your best allies on the road to recovery.

4) Be prepared to make hard choices that are in your best interest, even at the risk of pissing people off. "putting your foot down" is one example of this.

5) Be prepared to battle depression for the rest of your life. The longer you have it, the harder it is to shake, the easier you can fall back into it when the •••• hits the fan. You might have good and bad months, all you can do is keep fighting and manage it as best you can.

6) Be honest with yourself. You're depressed. YEs it sucks, and do not use this as a conversation point with people or to get sympathy from people. The LAST thing you need is for people to feel sorry for you. What you need is confidence and resolve- and that doesn't come from other people, it only comes from within.

7) Once you have truly found the past events and/or present factors that have stimulated you into a depression, you can begin your recovery. But keep in mind that there is two stages to this: mental and emotional. The mind may heal but emotionally you may take a bit longer. So be patient and understanding with yourself.

If you don't want to live or are unsure:
1) When you hit rock bottom, you will know it. In the deep, dark, hopeless pit of your sadness and dispair your conscience will be faced with a black and white choice. Life or death.

2)This moment will be an epiphany, a revelation with unclouded thought. There will be no god, no vision, no spiritual feedback. This is just a moment of PURE thought.

3)I do not know what happens to the mind when it choses death. Obviously, when I was faced with this choice, I didn't pick death.

By Who is the (Knight_Hawk) on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 04:52 pm:

First of all I have to apologize to everyone for what I posted. I was in a funk and needed to vent and while most of it was true and accurate I am NOT and never have been depressed 24/7. My sometime depression comes from ther lack of a romantic interest in my life and seeing all my friends married and happy doesn't always help. I rushed into that post and regret acctually putting it up, I am grateful to Nat for taking the time to respnd however.

I do not possese the personality to remain depressed for very long. It'll hit me and then flit away as soon as my mind is disracted. The only thing is is that when it does hit me I am caught unaware usually. I try not to let it get to me but as you can see I am not always successful.

I am not in denial, I just needed some time away from my life and this past weekend in NY with Eric, Geoff and the others was defenetly what I needed.

What I need to do is get my @$$ out of my computer chair and get out and meet new people. And I refuse to do the online dating thing (cringe).

Again I apologize for my previouase post and shall persevere in the face of all adversity that comes my way.

By Ms. Vice (Nat) on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 07:53 pm:

Ah ok I was somehow under the impression your depression was bad bad bad bad. Just follow the advice about chicks/infatuation stuff then and disregard the rest

By Who is the (Knight_Hawk) on Wednesday, June 30, 2004 - 09:06 am:

At the time I posted the first part I was in a bad depression it just wasn't permanent. Call me lucky for that lack of a problem.

But thank you again Nat at least you reasponded in some way and it was helpful.

By The One Known Only as (Greyfox) on Friday, July 02, 2004 - 11:30 am:

*blink blink* WHOAH. That was heavy. If I can offer some words for you, Damien, they are words I sometimes repeat to myself to remind me of the way things are. Life is not a competition. Do not compare yourself to others as a means of measuring 'how well you're doing'. We are all of us unique and special in our own ways. I myself forget this at times and compare myself to others, judging my life in relation to those around me. I think it's human nature to do so, and I think many people do it, and this is why so many people are walking around unhappy and depressed. Nat is correct: just live life for yourself. Do what YOU want to do, and don't let others dictate your actions to you.

Even take advice from others with a grain of salt, because only YOU know what is best for YOU. Sure, close friends and family can take fairly educated guesses, but there may be aspects of yourself that you keep even from them. Seek within for the answers, and this is the beginning of the path to without.

And if you ever get too depressed, call me and Jon, and we'll take you out to Erv's and get you drunk, cuz that's what friends are for.

By The One Known Only as (Greyfox) on Monday, June 21, 2004 - 04:54 pm:

I have nothing to say. I am just posting everywhere to prove a point.